Your favorite New Yorker is back to rant your ear off, the one and only Nicole Prechtl. You know the drill, and if you don’t then check out her entire series “You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me,” but you may want to take an Advil before doing so. We’ll let her take it from here:

“If you really want to see me overcome with rage, then join me on a subway ride to work in the morning. As we all know, the subway in the summer is an absolute nightmare. The list could go on forever as to reasons why this is so. But there are two particular things that leave me absolutely dumbfounded.

The first thing that irritates me is men’s mannerisms on the subway. If you’re a dude and you’re standing up holding a pole next to a woman who is shorter than you, hold the pole low so that your sweaty armpit isn’t shoved into her face! You think this would be a given, but no. I encounter this issue all the time: men proceed to raise their sweaty armpits up high so that their bodily fluids drip down onto my face. Why?! Why must you hold the pole high? Can you not balance yourself or something? Go take a yoga class; there are free sessions every week in Bryant Park.

The second thing I see on the subway that drives me absolutely insane is the way that women dress. Okay, yes, it’s a hundred degrees underground, but if I’m aware that you’re wearing a thong, go home. Do yourself and your employer a favor by going home to change, and then Googling a fashion column that educates you on what is and isn’t appropriate attire for an office setting in the summer. Seriously, I understand that it’s hot, but you can’t walk around the subway or your office half naked.”

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