Your favorite New Yorker, the one and only Nicole Prechtl, is back to rant about all of her post Halloween problems— meaning everything that irritated her the most about Halloween in Manhattan this year. You know the drill, and if you don’t then check out her entire series “You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me,” but you may want to take an Advil before doing so. We’ll let her take it from here:
“Hope you all had a great Halloween, I guess. This might come as a shock to you, but I hate Halloween. The reason being is that there are so many things concerning the holiday that irritate me, from costume choices to inappropriate behavior at bars by elderly people. Here’s what irritates me most about people who celebrate Halloween, aged fetus to 40 years plus:
Age 0–3 years old
From pumpkins to princesses, and scary-looking bears, poor babies are stuffed into costumes so that everyone can prop them up like dolls and take photos of them. Even better than this is when parents carry their kids from house to house to “trick-or-treat.” Really? Keep your newborn inside, away from the animals.
Age 3–13 years old
I get it, parents: you want to dress your kid up because “it’s fun” and “everyone is doing it.” Okay, fine. At least kids now understand what’s happening and it’s fun for them to run around like psychos collecting free candy. However, kids should not be allowed to trick-or-treat past 8:00pm. Only bad things happen in the dark when the weirdos come out.
Age 14–20 years old
First come the “tween” years when they want to dress up like Miley Cyrus and Justin Beiber. Then, they become teenagers. UGH. Now you have to worry about which of the “cool parents”’ basements they’re hiding in chugging Smirnoff and Bud Light. It’s all a serious headache. Besides hoping that your kid is more into Netflix and chill than partying, you’re kind of screwed until they go to college. At this point, they become everyone else’s problem but yours (parents, rejoice). Manhattan is full of underage drinkers on Halloween, annoying every single legal drinker out there. You can always spot the 19-year-old girls in the bar because they’re treating the night like it’s their bachelorette party rather than Halloween.
Age 21–39 years old
YES, go have a night out at the bars; get your fill; have some fun. Now, for your attire: some costumes are very clever and well put together. Therefore, I give props where props is due. With that said, there are one too many young adults that should look in the mirror before stepping out of the house. Girls, let’s keep it PG–13, and boys, let’s actually care a little— jeans paired with a button down and a name tag that reads “Ken” is not a costume.
Age 30–40 years old
This is the one age group that I firmly believe should go out and enjoy themselves. You most likely need a good night out more than most because you probably don’t get one very often. And if you don’t have kids yet, then you should really make the most of it. But please, go to a house party or a fun dinner. Don’t invade the bars; acting like you’re 21 just because it’s the one night of the year that you can act however you want doesn’t mean you should. People are watching and judging.
JUST NO. Take your kids trick-or-treating, treat yourself to a little candy corn, and be in bed by 10:00pm.
Thank God it’s November.”