1. Seat Spreader
Similar to the Seat Hog in our first installment, the Seat Spreader has no consideration for others. The Spreader, however, employs a different tactic: he or she takes up as much room as possible unnecessarily. They put their bag next to them, instead of on their lap, and spread their arms and legs widely.
2. Squeezer Man
You’re getting on the train for the 9am commute, AKA Worst Time of Your Life, and you keep hearing the sounds of the warning bell. You don’t have time for this and your patience is starting to wear thin like an old rubber glove. You realize the subway doors won’t close, because Squeezer Man keeps trying to push his way into the car, even though there’s just not enough room for his body. Sadly, we can’t change the laws of physics.
3. Sleeping Guy
Usually, Sleeping Guy can be found during rush hour in the morning or late at night. Whoever sits next to him—beware! He’ll be likely to use your shoulder as a head rest.
4. The Eater
Of course, we all need to eat. But, why would anyone want to eat on the subway? Pizza is great when you’re sitting down in a restaurant, but not when everyone in the car can smell the garlic. Just watching gives us motion sickness.
5. Door Blocker
There’s almost nothing worse in the morning than trying to get on the train, and hardly being able to squeeze your way on because someone doesn’t want to move in. Door Blocker is the reason the subway conductor always yells over the loudspeaker: Move into the car. Don’t block the door. Move to the middle. You’d think we were cattle being herded—sadly, Door Blocker is either oblivious to others or just doesn’t care—or both.